


All Shades of Pink

by hellareyna



Category: SKAM (Netherlands)
Genre: F/F, Lesbian Guru, Women’s world cup, World Cup, lesbian engel beekman, unrequited crushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 17:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellareyna/pseuds/hellareyna
Summary: Engel and the girls go to a pub to watch the Netherlands play the Women's World Cup and they meet up with Esra and Ralph.





	All Shades of Pink

**Author's Note:**

> I am not Dutch or Muslim so forgive me for any mistake I make here. title from Crush by Tessa Violet

The streets were flooded with signature Dutch _Oranje_ as the whole city, practically, was racing to get to the best place to watch the World Cup Final. Engel was trying to hold onto Liv’s hand while also trying to keep her purse close to her body so as not to lose anything. Liv was trying to meet up with Noah and his friends while Engel was trying not to think about that. Janna and Isa were already at a pub while Esra and Ralph were meeting up with them later. Something about Esra not being able to find an orange scarf. 

“Engel, hurry up, you should have worn sneakers if you knew we were going to be walking this much,” Liv said trying to get her friend to move faster.

Engel apologized for her sandals, “Fashion over comfort, Liv.”

Liv rolled her eyes and pulled Engel further down the streets of Utrecht. The two of them were heading to meet up with Noah and his friends before going to a pub where Janna and Isa were waiting. It was one of many that just so happened to be forgetting to card on a day when the whole city was looking for a place to drink. 

They hadn’t been able to meet up with Isa and Janna who had, uncharacteristically, gotten to the pub earlier than them. It wasn’t that the two of them didn’t care. They had just been busy. Liv had had a record meeting run late. Engel had needed to help her mother out and lost track of time. Noah and Gijs had already been pre-partying since noon, either out of a surprising love for women’s sports or a passion for being intoxicated. 

Engel used to get butterflies when Noah was around. Now that he was with Liv those had died. She was happy that Liv was happy, but still, something about their presence together bugged her. He was always so handsy. Liv was fine with it and she was happy with him so Engel knew she should just be happy too. But she wasn’t and she wished today didn’t have to involve any annoying boys. Just the girls. And Ralph, he was cool.

Engel and Liv were still searching for Noah in the crowds. He had told them he would be on this corner fifteen minutes ago. Liv was starting to worry.

“Maybe he thought we weren’t going to show,” Liv looked like she was about to cry, “I tried to explain to him how hard it was to get through the crowd. I thought he would understand since he also had to go through it.” 

Engel felt helpless. She was usually the friend in crisis and wasn’t great at comforting people. 

“Don’t worry Liv. Maybe he forgot about meeting here,” Engel gave Liv a soft side-hug and wiped her tears away, “We should just go to the pub and meet up with Isa and Janna.”

“He is pretty drunk,” Liv laughed, probably remembering the Snapchats he had sent her. Engel had watched them with her on their bus ride to where the celebration was happening.

“Are we good now, Livie? No more worrying about our little wack painter kid.” Engel giggled and grabbed her hand and danced with her down the street to the sounds of loud pop music coming out of every building. 

As soon as Engel entered the pub she saw Janna and Isa. They were hard to miss even in the room full of fans. Janna’s face was painted orange on the left side and had a Dutch flag on the right. The blue had been a bit smeared with the orange around her mouth. She had on a giant orange straw hat and was also wearing a skintight dress with the flag on it. Isa had small painted flags on each cheek and a giant real flag tied around her shoulders. She was wearing a national football jersey and some simple shorts. 

Engel felt underdressed, well more like under enthusiastic, in her simple orange tank top and Dutch flag earrings. Liv was wearing a jersey she had bought on their way to the pub from one of the many vendors on the streets. Engel had teased her for it. Now she was wondering if she should have bought one too.

“Oh my God Janna, you look ridiculous,” Liv laughed at her friend’s makeup, “How long did that take?”

“She used like five face paint packages,” Isa answered for her, “It’s a good thing I still had some lying around from King’s Day or else we would have been out of luck. The whole city seems to be sold out on all things orange.”

They all laughed in agreement. The city was filled with the celebration which meant flags and orange everything. Orange shirts were at the front of all the clothes stores, but something like face paint was much harder to find.

“Oh Engel you need to show some Dutch pride,” Janna said, seeing how plain Engel looked, “Good thing I have extras.”

“Oh, I’m fine Janna, really. It’s so hot and I don’t want to lose anything,” Engel didn’t want to impose.

“I insist. I have extra stuff, remember? I’m always prepared.”

Janna took off her backpack and began rummaging through it. Her expression was like something from a makeover movie right before the transformation. Engel peeked in the pack, to see what her best friend was about to get her into. The small bag seemed to be full to capacity with all things orange. She thought she even saw a grapefruit.

“Ah, here it is. Perfect.”

Janna threw an orange boa at Engel. It actually was perfect Not too much, not too little, not too Janna; she sometimes forgot how well her friend knew her. 

“Thanks, Janna,” Engel smiled then leaned closer in order to whisper to her friend, “I needed that.”

Janna simply smiled and then grabbed Liv and Engel to where they had been waiting for them. The place was packed, which meant they had to hurry before someone stole their booth. Isa and Janna had gotten to the pub around noon for a game that was starting at five. Engel had thought it was melodramatic to get there that early, but it seemed like it had in fact been necessary.

The spot hadn’t been taken the girls were relieved to find. Janna’s tampons thrown on the table were probably their saving grace. It wasn’t that close to the bar, but Liv said she preferred that since it meant less drunk people spilling booze on them. Isa seemed to regret her decision on their seating suddenly. 

Engel didn’t mind. She’d been trying to cut down on her drinking. Ending a party in an ambulance wasn’t her proudest moment, and she’d rather have no vodka than watered-down vodka. What had happened to Liv had also scared her. Totally losing control seemed to be the point of drinking for some, but now it terrified her. Tonight she would try sticking to fries and some soda. 

“Oh, there’s Ralph!” Liv shouted, despite the other girls being less than a meter from her.

She jumped out of her seat and ran to her roommate who was with Esra, his platonic soulmate. Ralph had on an orange t-shirt and a fluffy orange wig. Engel remembered him wearing something similar for King’s Day. Both of them really needed a better orange clothing selection if they were going to keep their citizenship.

When she saw Esra she understood why it had taken the two of them so long to get ready. Her hijab was classic _oranje_ , but with tiny flags like polka dots on it. On her eyes, she had a perfect orange shadow that made her eyes pop and her lips had three shades to form the flag. She had on a #9 jersey with a white long sleeve underneath. Most fans looked tacky with their orange, but Esra somehow managed to look glamorous. She didn’t try to make everything on theme, like her gold hoop earrings and her blue skinny jeans, but it all seemed to flow nicely.

“Hey Engel,” Esra said with a smile, knocking her out of her daze that Esra must have seen as judgemental staring.

“ _Hallo_ Esra,” she tried to find the right word, “I like your look.” Engel stammered hoping she didn’t come off as rude.

Esra seemed to take it fine as she smiled wide, “Thanks, Engel. I like your boa.”

Engel silently thanked Janna again and then repositioned herself to fit two more people at their table.

“So what’s the plan ladies,” Ralph said excitedly.

“Well my apartment was too small for a party and nobody wanted to host so we’re just going to spend the rest of the afternoon in the pub,” Isa said.

Janna further elaborated, “Yeah. We wanted a party but we’re losers, so we decided to join one that anyone is invited to, a pub.”

Engel glared at her friend, “We’re not losers. You’re starting to sound like Imaan.”

Ralph interrupted, “Who’s Imaan?” Liv glared at him, “Oh, that Imaan. Well, girls your extremely sad plan to just sit in a pub till five sounds great, but aren’t any boys invited?”

Liv defended the girls, “It’s not sad, and Noah is coming.”

“Well then where is he?”

Engel and Liv glanced at one another unsure of how to answer. She didn’t want to embarrass her friend, but it had been nearly an hour since Noah was supposed to meet them and he was nowhere to be seen. Liv had been obsessively checking her phone and it didn’t seem like he was going to show. 

She decided to save Liv, “He’s meeting up with Gijs right now.” Ralph seemed satisfied with that answer and the conversation progressed. 

The girls and Ralph laughed and talked and drank. Esra and Liv, of course, didn’t have any alcohol. Engel tried to stay dry but eventually got a special cocktail for the world cup that she nursed. Ralph, Isa, and Janna were already a bit tipsy and the night was still young. 

Liv’s phone rang, “Oh shit I have to take this,” She moved the phone from her mouth and stage whispered to Engel, “It’s Noah.”

Engel watched as Liv walked outside the noisy pub in order to hear. She wished was back sitting next to her. Or holding her hand in the crowded streets of Utrecht. Her heart ached just watching her leave. 

Isa whispered to Engel, but the whole table had been silent so it didn’t really add any privacy, “What happened with you guys and Noah? Weren’t you supposed to meet up?”

Engel swallowed nervously, not wanting to betray Liv’s trust. She didn’t hate Noah. He had supported Liv after Morris had assaulted her. Everything he had done to her personally was in the past. Her current resentment towards him had nothing to do with that. She decided it was best to say nothing.

Esra must have seen the anxiety on her face, “Do you want me to get some fries for the table?”

Everyone agreed and they all handed her some bills. Engel almost came up with an excuse to join her but instead just got up and walked over to the bar with the older girl. 

The pub was crowded which meant the waiters all seemed to be doing things other than waiting on people which meant they had to go to the counter to order themselves. It also meant there was a crowd that they had to wait behind in order to get their fries.

“Oh fuck, she’s fit,” Esra said looking up at the TV behind the bar as the camera zoomed in on Vivianna Miedema being interviewed.

“Huh?” Engel was very confused, was Esra a lesbian?

“Vivianne, the one being interviewed, she’s hot,” Esra clarified as if that was what Engel was confused by and not the sudden confession of her sexuality.

Engel racked her brain for any previous knowledge of Esra’s sexuality. She didn’t know much about her in the first place. She knew she was Muslim, she was Ralph’s best friend, she lived with her family in Utrecht, and that she was nice. That wasn’t much to go off. Ralph was gay and her friend maybe that meant she was gay too. But that didn’t mean anything. Ralph was Liv’s friend too and her suspicion that she was gay had turned out to be wrong.

Maybe it was just a normal compliment like girls say sometimes. Like her friends called each other hot sometimes when they were getting ready. It didn’t mean they wanted to hook up with them. At least Engel was pretty sure it didn’t mean that for them because it probably didn’t mean that for her.

Esra interrupted her thinking, “Are you a big fan or just another bandwagoner? Ralph and I are _such_ huge fans. We went to the playoff finals at _Stadion Galgenwaard_ in November. My friend Amira and I drove out to Breda for the semis in October too. Don’t bring it up to Ralph though, he’s still bitter because he didn’t want to drive an hour to watch them lose to the Danes.”

“I guess I’m a bit of a bandwagoner then. I only watched their game with Sweden at a party Janna had.” Engel felt insecure suddenly. She wanted to impress Esra and she didn’t fully understand why. 

“Well, that’s ok. Not everyone has the time to be as invested as I am. Most people spend that time doing their hair,” Esra said and Engel wasn’t sure if she was serious, “I’m kidding, that was a joke. You can laugh.”

Engel awkwardly laughed. Being comfortable around people took her a long time. Even though she thought Esra was super cool she didn’t know if she felt comfortable around her just yet. Someone so confident could be so intimidating. Liv had a similar effect on her.

They moved up closer to the counter and Esra began tapping her short orange nails on it. Engel hadn’t seen her nails earlier. The entire ensemble must have taken hours and she was beginning to fully understand why Esra needed to come later than the rest of them. 

“I like your nails,” Engel said, hoping to bring back their conversation.

“Thanks,” Esra smiled again and Engel was beginning to realize how much she loved her smile, “It’s this halal brand I found online.”

Engel was confused, “Are you going to eat your nail polish?”

Esra laughed, “No I’m not going to eat it. It’s halal because most nail polish doesn’t let water through to the nails. When I’m praying I have to clean my hands and I can’t clean them entirely with regular polish.”

Engel nodded, she kinda understood, “And doesn’t most nail polish have like alcohol?”

“Exactly. See you get it.”

Engel smiled to herself. Esra had a way of making everyone around her feel so good even if her confidence could be a bit intimidating.

“How can I help you, ladies?” A man behind the bar finally asked them after they had been waiting for what felt like forever.

“Can we get three orders of fries with extra mayo on the side?” Esra said in her friendliest customer voice.

“Sure, that will take five minutes. Sorry, our kitchens are kinda backed up today.”

“No problem.”

“Can I get a name for the order?”

Esra looked like she had to remember her own name, “Um it’s Esra,” She said finally.

“Alright, then Isa.”

Esra rolled her eyes and turned to Engel, “Do you want to just wait here instead of going back to the table?”

Engel looked to the back of the pub where her friends were talking up some guy in orange suspenders, then she looked back at Esra, “I want to wait here. We can’t lose our spot, right?”

“I agree.”

Engel thought for a moment, knowing if she didn’t speak now she wouldn’t have the guts to do it again. Then she spoke, “Um Esra can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I just wanted to ask what you meant when you called that girl on the TV hot. LIke did you mean it as girls mean sometimes when they call you hot to be nice or…”

Esra interrupted her before she could ramble any longer, “I meant it like I think she’s hot because I’m a lesbian.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that, sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I’m pretty out, but still, I think whenever people see the hijab they think that I’m just being nice instead of being a lesbian. Do you ever get that because you’re always wearing pink and stuff?”

It took Engel a few seconds to understand what Esra was implying, “I’m not. Well, I don’t know. Maybe. Kinda.”

Esra looked horrified, “Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. I thought that’s why you were asking.”

“Maybe. I was just surprised. I’m so used to girls who like girls looking like Janna. She’s so loud and proud about everything. Not just liking girls, like literally everything. She tells people about her shaving habits.”

Esra laughed, “Well not all girls who like girls who like girls have to be like that. There are so many different ways to be. I like girls and I wear a hijab. Janna likes girls and she’s loud and messy. There are five players on the national team who, and even though they have the same job and they like girls they’re their own woman too.”

“That makes sense. It’s just, well I’m not sure about anything.”

“You don’t have to be, but I see the way you look at Liv and you seem pretty sure of that.”

Engel blushed, “Am I that obvious?”

“Don’t worry, I think I’m just naturally very perceptive. I won’t tell anyone about you.”

“Isa? Fries for Isa?” The man from the encounter suddenly called.

“Oh that’s me,” Esra said cheerily to the incorrect name as she grabbed the fries and handed him some cash.

Engel grabbed one of the boxes while Esra held the other two and they walked back to the table where they were met with cheers. Ordering the fries was definitely the right choice. Engel and Esra high fived with a little secret smile between them. 

“You guys are our heroes,” Janna said with a fry already hanging from her mouth.

“Speaking of heroes,” Ralph said pointing to Liv coming in through the door followed by Noah and Gijs who were loudly playing _Links Rechts_ out of a Bluetooth speaker Noah was holding.

“Look who decided to show up!” Liv laughed looking a lot happier than she was just a half-hour ago.

The boys’ dancing stopped when they reached the table as they both grabbed handfuls of the fries. They all laughed and talked about how crazy the rest of the city was because of the Cup. The table seemed to be glad about their arrival and stories, but Engel tensed up. Just as she felt like she wanted to leave Esra put a hand on her shoulder. She felt at home somehow.

Engel leaned into Esra to whisper, feeling safe in the noise of the boys, “You know I disagree with you about Vivianne.”

Esra put her hand to her chest as if she was betrayed, “That’s my wife you’re talking about.”

“I know,” She giggled, “I like Desiree better though.”

Esra seemed to respect Engel’s choice and Engel felt just a little bit safer in the pub as she was surrounded by friends. She was going to watch a game her entire nation was watching, and Esra knew her secret. Now she wasn’t so alone anymore. Sometimes one friend is all you need.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never done this much research for a fic. I never thought I would ever know this much about Dutch women's soccer. I’ve also never worked on this type of deadline since the final game is actually happening less than 24 hours from now. Also tag yourself Janna wlw, Esra wlw, or Engel wlw.


End file.
